Chanel Nº19

For 26 years, now, I have worn Chanel Nº19. My choice has been almost exclusively the eau de toilette version. There was a brief period during which I had a small bottle of pure parfum. This Christmas, I received a bottle of the eau de parfum as a gift. I love all three concentrations. What a glorious green.

I’ve smelled hundreds of perfumes, and I always come back to this.

Some people call it a bitchy perfume, or a witchy one. I don’t know, is it? Maybe sometimes.

To me, it smells like everything: being a bitch, and not being one. Brittle, crystalline; creamy and soft. Flowers, roots, something freshly snapped, something forgotten on a dark shelf, sealed in a jar. The scent is all those things, it depends on the day, on the air, where I’ve applied it, how long it has been on my skin.

There have been changes to the fragrance over the years. I’ve heard people say the newer versions are too awful to wear. They are certainly not the same. Some moments of the development are not entirely enjoyable, but on my skin that passes quickly, and I’m happy to deal with it. There is no question, I’d rather have a reformulation than none at all.

Questions about favorites have always been difficult to answer, but I am in a time of life when something unique (for me) is happening. I am deciding very little about it, but the extraneous slips away, more and more each day. I’m not working at it, but after all the time I’ve spent wondering who I am, asking myself questions I can’t answer, I’m left standing here looking at myself. I didn’t need to think harder, look harder. I needed to wait.

And I’ve settled into green. Everything that means. I’m drawn to it.

Green scents in general have an appeal: fig, green tea, galbanum, pine, iris in certain light, leaves, snapped branches and roots, grasses, herbs, unripe fruits. Sali Hughes talks about sour greeness in scent, and yes. I get that. It’s pleasing, and it comforts me, feels like it belongs.

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Small, from Felt

Even though I’m not hiding from the world anymore, I don’t think I’ll stop making tiny mice.

Here’s one of the three I did.

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The skilled and talented Ann Wood provided a free pattern for them, in case you want to try to make some. Here’s a link: link.

I sent the other two to live with my mother-in-law, a true lover of mice.

I gave all three mice scarves to wear, because it’s cold.

The mice are an easy and fun project. They use small scraps of felt and fabric, and I stuffed mine with the snippets of felt left from cutting out mouse parts, yarn ends I cut from my knitting and crochet, frayed scraps of fabric, that kind of thing.

One more angle:

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I hope you’re having a good Friday.

During

A walk didn’t happen today. Man, this storm. It started out in an embarrassing way.  Our car is terrible in the snow, and it was supposed to be very slippery, and the forecast snow totals kept inching up…it seemed easiest for my husband to stay home from work. He has days to take, work is slow right now, so why not? Anyway, we woke up to the tiniest bit of snow floating down in surprisingly calm air (they said “BOMB CYCLONE” for goodness’ sake, we thought there would be a breeze) and a little on the ground. Just a little. It made me feel silly for taking precautions.

I feel much less silly now. It is howling out there.

I want to go out anyway, but I won’t. I’ll have an earache later.

We’ve been shuffling through our studies here, January always feels like that to me. Shuffling. Progress is progress, though.

I’ve been mooching around reading Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States. I have this abridged teaching version  and it has been helpful to have the end-of-chapter questions I can put to the kids.

Have you ever read this book? If you feel like everything in the news is so confusing and it’s hard to understand how we got from there to here, it may be your education in history is lacking. Mine is, and the more I read, the more things fall into place. I’m on chapter 9, and so far every chapter has been devastating, each in its own way. I feel like I can be a better neighbor and citizen with the knowledge I’m gaining. I wonder how many people read this book in school. I know we didn’t. I wish we had.

One Day

This feels like an okay time to do some posting on my blog.

I’ve been wrestling with feeling disoriented. It’s because everything has changed while nothing has changed. Surely you know what I mean. Things outside are different since late last year. In my home, though, it’s pretty much the same for now. I’m aware of the privilege contained within that sentence.

Such a massive change in atmosphere with no change in scenery makes me feel odd. I know I’m not the only one.

I’ve been restless, so I made an ugly necklace, fifteen tiny crocheted rabbits, three tiny felt mice, four hundred tiny flowers. I liked a couple thousand tweets. “A couple.” Make that five, five thousand tweets. I took refuge in small, immediate tasks. I did it the same way anyone does who really needs it–without thinking, I ran for the nearest place. I ended up in an okay enough spot, nowhere anyone could stay forever. I’m not staying forever.

This morning I took a walk outside. It was very cold, and there’s nothing like unpleasant weather to make it seem like the world is yours. I saw one other human, and he hurried by. I took my vitamins, drew something, read a book, cooked something, will finally tackle a large project I want to see completed. I think that’s good for now. It feels good.